You were making plans with my loved ones before you had even broken up with me.
Those were your priorities.
Now I see.
I was not a priority because you always had me.
I was loyal.
To a fault.
You didn’t need to prioritise me because I prioritised you.
You didn’t need to nourish our relationship because I fueled it enough for two
since the day I met you.
I see how you could walk away so easily, because you were not as invested as me.
Now I begin to see that the returns on my investment were fewer than yours.
For a drop of effort you were returned a torrent of love and adoration.
For a torrent of investment I was returned but a drop of fools love.
Your effort existed but you resented it.
My effort gave me strength.
Caring for you gave me greatness.
Caring for me seemed to give you grief.
Well you have now repaid me in grief more than anyone ever before.
Not even death could dole out a dish of grief so well served.
It was almost more than I could eat.
But the black hole in my soul of bottomless hope and love could eventually swallow it whole.
I know I need to go.
But I don’t know where.
All I can be sure of is that I need to move.
The shark must keep swimming to stay alive.
I must keep running through the forest.
I cannot see the path so I know I’m on it.
The trees and the bushes are not lost and neither am I
although all sense of direction has disappeared.
To the light, through the darkness.
In the shadows and the sun.
I will continue on.
With my heart of bottomless hope and love I will feed myself and ensure at least my survival.
If I’m lucky, and I am,
the people on my side are proof of that,
I will find more friends hiding in places I never expected to find.
And I will go to the places where I know my friends and family reside.
Where I know a welcome awaits me no matter what fate berates me.
I will have shelter from the storm of life even if I am naked in the wilderness.
The sky is my roof.
The earth is my hearth.
I am lucky because I am loved.
I am loved because I love.
Wholeheartedly.
Some see the black pool of my soul and see the obsidian sea as scary.
Others see the reflection of their own beauty and admire its existence at all.
I am not a bad person.
I am not a monster.
I am the reflection of your Self.
What you hate in me you hate in yourself.
What you love in me you love in yourself.
I am nothing special.
At most a mirror of the world around.
Reflecting back as best I can the joy and the triumph to be alive
but those are only glittering jewels because of the darkness that surrounds them.
The shine can only be seen because of the surrounding dullness.
All of it is in me.
All of it is in you.
All of it is in the world.
All of the world is in it.
We are doomed to love and free to die.
Each day a life to be lived and loved or hated depending on your perspective.
Reality is what you make it.
